When You Fall In A Hole

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Raising kids as a single mom is…interesting. It isn’t easy, but parenting with 2 people isn’t easy either. However, when you are the only one and something goes wrong or you fall short, you are the only one to fix things. Everyone has times when money isn’t always around. But when you are the only one that can bring money in for you and a little one, the burden becomes this crushing weight. I think it is even more frustrating when you know you are less than a day away to fixing your problems. All your bills are paid and you have your necessities but you need to buy 1 m meal for you and your little one. The only thing stopping you is the day of the week. The day before payday and you have to ask a friend to help with lunch. Everything was going o.k. until something on your car broke and you had to fix it. Now, you feel like the worst mom in the world. In these times, it is even harder to be strong in your faith. I know that no matter what happens, God will get me through it. I know when I hand everything over to Him, He will take care of it. He is something I can rely on all the time, but in times of struggle, I sometimes forget.

These are tests. Some of them are God testing your faith and making sure you are ready for the next step in life He is going to give you. Other times, they are the devil trying to break you. One thing to remember, you have all the help you need. If you have to ask for a couple dollars for lunch from a friend, if they are really your friend they will offer it first. If you have to ask a family member for gas money that you will repay next payday, they won’t mind. God will put people in your life to help you. He wants to make sure you know that you are not alone. If the time you are going through is God’s test, and you pass, unspeakable things are about to come your way. If the test is from the other side, God is going to pull you out of it. Don’t let yourself fall into old habits, old ruts, and fight the depression that may be coming.

Remember, God will put you exactly where you need to be.

Let’s take a look at Joseph. His brothers sold him into slavery, he was kept as a prisoner for years, then, one day he interprets a dream for the pharaoh. This interpretation led him to becoming part of the Pharaoh’s court. He was overseeing the process of rationing out grain when he was able to reconnect with his brothers as a leader of the people. He waited in prison for years before he was ever summoned by the pharaoh.

God is going to get you through it. You must remain faithful and true.

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:31-34

Discipline

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When you are a single mom, disciplining your child isn’t the greatest. You want your kid to love you and have fun with you but you have to discipline. The thing about being a single parent is that you have to be the cool parent AND the enforcer. When you are worried about being too hard on your kid, remember that discipline now as a child whose attitudes and morals are still being swayed. Spoiling them now and letting them get away with any disrespect is going to carry over into their teen and adult ages. Remember, God disciplines us the same way we discipline our children. He wants us to learn how to live and how to treat people. We still love Him and can turn to Him when we need help and our children will do the same with us. Don’t worry about being too hard. Respect and good attitudes starts at home with us as parents.

“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
–Proverbs 13:24

“A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.”
–Proverbs 29:15

Guilt

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Being a single mother can be one of the hardest things a woman can go through. Sometimes the hardest thing to deal with isn’t the tempting attitudes, the potty training, or tantrums. It’s the guilt that comes along with being the only parent. Me being a mom of a little boy, it breaks my heart when I see his friends doing things with their dad that I can’t do with him. It is in these moments that I actually wish he had a decent father. I tend to blame myself for that, as it was my poor choices that led this.

In these times, I remind myself that God has everything under control. Having a church family means that we take care of each other. The men that my son sees and is learning from isn’t his violent, and angry father, but rather Godly men that see He doesn’t have a man. These are the men that take interest and don’t leave him out. They offer to do things with him so he doesn’t miss out and can join the fun. God knew my son would be watching and replaced a toxic father with better role models. Men who know how to live a godly life and what that truly means. I couldn’t be more thankful to these men. Dads of his friends, friends of mine, all the men that doesn’t see broken family, but men who see a little boy that will need something to look up to as he grows in age and spiritual awareness.

Being a single mom you always have to be aware of the people you surround yourself with. You can try and teach them the right ways but for you to successfully do that you need to live the right life. You need the people you surround yourself with to live the right life as well. Whatever your child sees you taking part in they learn that behavior, those habits you may have, are okay. This is where the cycle of broken homes begins. If your child sees men tearing you down and living the ungodly life, that is what they will believe is right. This is what they will settle for or settle being when they come of age.

Always remember, if you ask God for help He is willing to give it. So, ask Him for help in guiding your sons to be good men. Ask Him to guide your daughters into seeing how a good man should treat her. If God took someone out of your, or you child’s life, it was for a good reason. We don’t know all of God’s reasons and we don’t need to. He has the answers, He has what we need. Him and only Him.

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
–Philippians 4:6-7

Halloween

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Hello everyone. Today is the glorious holiday, Halloween. Yes, this is a fun time of year and free candy all I have to do is turn into a character? Uhm, YES PLEASE!! One, of the many, good things about having a toddler…you officially have an ADULT reason to dress up!

With all this fun stuff happening what could be the problem? NEVER ask that question ’cause God will answer. He will show you. First off is the little white prius on the highway that, apparently, did not wake up in time. Listen sir, I was already in the middle of switching lanes before you ever came flying around that curve, so I suggest you silence that “BEEPING” horn of yours. (I actually mean beeping. Have y’all ever heard a prius’ horn? BEEEEEEP) Second off, compared to your golf cart of a car, my midsize SUV is a tank so I suggest you thank Jesus I’m a kind soul. Otherwise you coming over on top of me at 70 miles an hour would have been ugly!! Now you know how I know he didn’t wake up…the speed limit was 60. (Dear Lord, forgive me of my speeding. I know it’s illegal to speed but, 60 on a highway?!) Needless to say I was calling you a name, ya jack…..butt. (Butt is being nice) Hope you made it safely Speedy McGee.

Another thing about Halloween as an adult…costumes. Costumes as an adult can be fun, they don’t have to be dirty or revealing. Most mommas would prefer they weren’t so revealing! One thing you don’t think about is how a man’s seemingly harmless costume could be bad. Well, the spiderman that made my smoothie this morning really could have used a little extra material. Or maybe just a different material. There wasn’t much left to the imagination. (Holy Spandex, Spidey) It didn’t help that he was an handsome young man and tall. The only thing I could see through the drive thru window, Shoulders to just below the derriere. Yes, I was eye level with this young man’s backside. (Dear Lord, forgive me for the thoughts that flew into my mind at the drive thru this morning. ) This is one of those times where the past that made me a mommy suddenly came flooding back! Woops, that came out of nowhere.

For all you mommas out there, I pray for you and your family on this crazy day!!

“No temptation[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
1 Cor. 10:13

Becoming Mommy

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I first became a mom 3 years ago to a wonderful little boy. However, my journey started before he was born. I remember finding out I was pregnant and my heart sank. I wasn’t ready to have a baby. All my life I was the one who thought that not having kids wasn’t the worst thing on the planet. If I ever did have kids I just knew I would at least be married, and have a good steady job. But, no, here I was living with a guy in his mom’s basement. Needless to say, this guy was no catch of the day. I was actually scared of him. My head was already looking for ways out of the relationship without admitting to my family I was wrong, and without him slashing my tires, as he threatened to do on more than one occasion. Then, the two pink lines showed up. A smart person would wise up and leave, I, however, was not making the wisest decisions at the time. Obviously. So, I decide to try and stick it out. The guy seemed excited about the new addition, so I, of course, thought he would change. This is where all reason flew out of my mind. I mean what man has ever changed, for the better, because of an unexpected baby. He did change, for the worse. Before, he was just verbally aggressive. Now he was just mean, but I was stubborn and thought I was stuck and this is what I deserved.

I stuck it out for about 3 months before something in my brain finally clicked and I just admitted to myself this wasn’t good. I reached out to my mother and she was at my side in a heartbeat. (That is one thing about my family, I have messed up and made mistake after mistake but they are still there for me.) The February before my son was born I actually had to get an order of protection against him. I moved back in with my mom and got my butt back in church. I say I got myself back into church but I was just going through the motions. Saying the right things, nodding my head, putting on the smile, but I still wasn’t living the good life. On July 4, my son was born, I got to watch fireworks from my hospital room.

Six weeks later I went back to work and went back to my old ways. I still put on the smile and went through the motions all the while partaking in some questionable past times with an “unavailable” person. See, going through the motions. I was still struggling with money, hated my job. I was just all together unwell. It was almost two years of bouncing from one crappy job to the next that a small door opened up. The church was looking for a new secretary. I started about a month later in May. Something about starting this new job changed me. I started actually seeing my errors and started truly paying attention in Sunday services. Every Sunday I got this feeling that this preacher, who was still getting to know me, was talking straight to me. I can see now it wasn’t the preacher, It was God. He was like yelling at me “GIRL!!!! Wake up!! Open your eyes!!!!” This new job was God’s way of saying “Hey! I got you. I have more planned for you.” Boy did he ever!! In the following spring I actually started back to school. I working towards a degree y’all!! I was also taking steps towards a new ministry at the church. A single mom’s ministry. I was on my way to starting a whole new life. My depression was under control. I was actually able to start paying off debts from my young and dumb days. Everything was falling into place. This wasn’t my doing though. I had finally turned everything over to God. I truly let Him in and let Him take the reins. I started listening to Him and doing all that I could to honor Him. God is good y’all! I now know what I am supposed to be doing, how I’m supposed to be using the gifts that God gave me. I now know, as long as I’m doing His work, I have nothing to fear. God is taking care of me and my son. He always has and always will.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.“
Psalm 34:18

I’m No Mary – The Single Mom Life

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I am a single mom of a beautiful three year old terror. I have always been a single mom, I was single when my son was born. What I mean by single is not married. I have never been married. The one thing I do want to make sure you know, is that I may have done things out of order in the family department but, my story isn’t done. No I don’t mean I’m still writing it, but God is. My son was God’s way of getting me on track and getting me back into growing my relationship with Him. As unplanned as I thought my son was, God knew all about him. All about how my son would be my wonderful intervention.

With all that being said, life with a toddler, even with God in my corner, is no walk in the park. The ups and downs come with twists and turns. On the daily I pray/plead with God to help me make it through the day without pulling every single hair on my head out. This is what “I’m No Mary” is all about. Living the life of a single mom and letting you know that, it is O.K. to not be perfect. Nobody is, except God Himself.

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride cause God has it all figured out for us.