Tag Archives: SingleMom

Guilt

Uncategorized, , ,

Being a single mother can be one of the hardest things a woman can go through. Sometimes the hardest thing to deal with isn’t the tempting attitudes, the potty training, or tantrums. It’s the guilt that comes along with being the only parent. Me being a mom of a little boy, it breaks my heart when I see his friends doing things with their dad that I can’t do with him. It is in these moments that I actually wish he had a decent father. I tend to blame myself for that, as it was my poor choices that led this.

In these times, I remind myself that God has everything under control. Having a church family means that we take care of each other. The men that my son sees and is learning from isn’t his violent, and angry father, but rather Godly men that see He doesn’t have a man. These are the men that take interest and don’t leave him out. They offer to do things with him so he doesn’t miss out and can join the fun. God knew my son would be watching and replaced a toxic father with better role models. Men who know how to live a godly life and what that truly means. I couldn’t be more thankful to these men. Dads of his friends, friends of mine, all the men that doesn’t see broken family, but men who see a little boy that will need something to look up to as he grows in age and spiritual awareness.

Being a single mom you always have to be aware of the people you surround yourself with. You can try and teach them the right ways but for you to successfully do that you need to live the right life. You need the people you surround yourself with to live the right life as well. Whatever your child sees you taking part in they learn that behavior, those habits you may have, are okay. This is where the cycle of broken homes begins. If your child sees men tearing you down and living the ungodly life, that is what they will believe is right. This is what they will settle for or settle being when they come of age.

Always remember, if you ask God for help He is willing to give it. So, ask Him for help in guiding your sons to be good men. Ask Him to guide your daughters into seeing how a good man should treat her. If God took someone out of your, or you child’s life, it was for a good reason. We don’t know all of God’s reasons and we don’t need to. He has the answers, He has what we need. Him and only Him.

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
–Philippians 4:6-7

Becoming Mommy

Uncategorized, , , ,

I first became a mom 3 years ago to a wonderful little boy. However, my journey started before he was born. I remember finding out I was pregnant and my heart sank. I wasn’t ready to have a baby. All my life I was the one who thought that not having kids wasn’t the worst thing on the planet. If I ever did have kids I just knew I would at least be married, and have a good steady job. But, no, here I was living with a guy in his mom’s basement. Needless to say, this guy was no catch of the day. I was actually scared of him. My head was already looking for ways out of the relationship without admitting to my family I was wrong, and without him slashing my tires, as he threatened to do on more than one occasion. Then, the two pink lines showed up. A smart person would wise up and leave, I, however, was not making the wisest decisions at the time. Obviously. So, I decide to try and stick it out. The guy seemed excited about the new addition, so I, of course, thought he would change. This is where all reason flew out of my mind. I mean what man has ever changed, for the better, because of an unexpected baby. He did change, for the worse. Before, he was just verbally aggressive. Now he was just mean, but I was stubborn and thought I was stuck and this is what I deserved.

I stuck it out for about 3 months before something in my brain finally clicked and I just admitted to myself this wasn’t good. I reached out to my mother and she was at my side in a heartbeat. (That is one thing about my family, I have messed up and made mistake after mistake but they are still there for me.) The February before my son was born I actually had to get an order of protection against him. I moved back in with my mom and got my butt back in church. I say I got myself back into church but I was just going through the motions. Saying the right things, nodding my head, putting on the smile, but I still wasn’t living the good life. On July 4, my son was born, I got to watch fireworks from my hospital room.

Six weeks later I went back to work and went back to my old ways. I still put on the smile and went through the motions all the while partaking in some questionable past times with an “unavailable” person. See, going through the motions. I was still struggling with money, hated my job. I was just all together unwell. It was almost two years of bouncing from one crappy job to the next that a small door opened up. The church was looking for a new secretary. I started about a month later in May. Something about starting this new job changed me. I started actually seeing my errors and started truly paying attention in Sunday services. Every Sunday I got this feeling that this preacher, who was still getting to know me, was talking straight to me. I can see now it wasn’t the preacher, It was God. He was like yelling at me “GIRL!!!! Wake up!! Open your eyes!!!!” This new job was God’s way of saying “Hey! I got you. I have more planned for you.” Boy did he ever!! In the following spring I actually started back to school. I working towards a degree y’all!! I was also taking steps towards a new ministry at the church. A single mom’s ministry. I was on my way to starting a whole new life. My depression was under control. I was actually able to start paying off debts from my young and dumb days. Everything was falling into place. This wasn’t my doing though. I had finally turned everything over to God. I truly let Him in and let Him take the reins. I started listening to Him and doing all that I could to honor Him. God is good y’all! I now know what I am supposed to be doing, how I’m supposed to be using the gifts that God gave me. I now know, as long as I’m doing His work, I have nothing to fear. God is taking care of me and my son. He always has and always will.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.“
Psalm 34:18